Ask Questions

So ask yourself the question: do I care what my partner feels or wants?  For some men, the answer is a solid no and I can only imagine how boring their sex life is – ‘Like DRY TOAST,’ to quote My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Like dancing, boxing, or any other activity that takes two people it kind of takes both to make it good. You cannot do a waltz, chacha, or macarena (well maybe – must burn memory from MIND!) by yourself.

Again, I state that if you consider yourself ‘Throb Cock Johnson,’ this article might not be for you.

Ask the simple question to your lover – what do you like?  Or to make it more subtle – ask, “I was wondering what makes you turned on?  I have thought about it myself and wanted to know what you thought?”  Again, always focus on your partner and show you wish to talk and learn about each other.  Sometimes it is more erotic to have a conversation about titillation and sexuality than it is giving the Throb Cock with no regard to anything but.

The real hard measure of having any type of ‘sexual turn on’ conversation is knowing your lover’s comfort level.  Some adults of the 21st century are very open about their desires and needs while others cling to a more traditional role in the bedroom.  It is important to understand that it is ‘okay’ to have a more traditional feel when it comes to sex. Here is the caveat: if you hold the same feelings and values as your partner.  If you do not and find yourself feeling a bit more exploratory, curious, or just not happy with constraints in the bedroom – you need to have a long hard look at what your relationship is based on.

Now I realize this is very much me on a soap box (not sure a soap box would support my weight but I digress) but I feel it is very much important that your sexual mojo is in tune with your partner.  I think if there is one thing that leads to a strong sex and relationship, it is being able to connect, find commonalities, and a sense of comfort level.  Those three, CCC, lead to a very powerful word in a relationship (wait for IT!), Trust.

When you and your partner have a strong level of trust and comfort, your ability to have ‘conversation’ about what turns you on sexually opens doors for your relationship.

So remember this – ask the implicit question – ‘what do you like and do we trust each other’ – you will be surprised how far that will go to great sexy time.

– NT

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